Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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