Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
