"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
