His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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