well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
