I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
