my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
you never un-have a 4some
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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