I don't usually arrange sex via text message
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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