He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
