the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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