Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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