i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
