im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
