it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
