My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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