If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
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