apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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