Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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