So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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