I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he thought i was a dude.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
