Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
