Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My butt remains clenched, sir.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
