Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
