just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
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