That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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