so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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