Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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