You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
