I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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