would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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