so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
