you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
