so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
