So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
