i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
