I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
