Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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