i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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