puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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