so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
