you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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