last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
