he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
