No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
