I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
