pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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