I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Is it because I queefed?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
