he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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