Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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