theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
