my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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