Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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