So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
vagina is talking i cant
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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